it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
