You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish you could order shots online.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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