College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize