Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
3 2 1 whiskey
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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