Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
