I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
