remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
4 words: hood of his car
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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