Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
