how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
