Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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