I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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