A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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