im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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