How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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