I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will be naked everywhere
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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