nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
