I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
