Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
