I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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