Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
