it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
