By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want her autograph on my taint
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
