Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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