Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
50% drunk capacity currently
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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