Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
