Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
