I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
