i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
