My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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