we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I said "one day" and that day is not today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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