you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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