so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
