I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
