This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
