i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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