Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
