Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
