I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
