a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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