I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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