yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
