Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
