the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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