Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
