I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
