4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
