this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
