I wish I could punch you in the face.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
