Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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