So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
