you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
