final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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