I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
