two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
