i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
