Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
