yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
