I can tuck mytits in my pants
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
