Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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