hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
