Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
