You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
