All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
