Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
