my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she told me i tasted like america
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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