lets start a swedish sibling band together
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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