lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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