Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
