do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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