I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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