i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
