I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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