dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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