Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
