areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it hurts more in the daytime
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
