The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
