we're blogging at a bar
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
