so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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