i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
