I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
