she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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