and you said cock pushups were impossible
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
