It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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