The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize